


Complete Hero List From TV TROPES

by Storm54



Category: Original Work
Genre: Hero List
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:02:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27765676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storm54/pseuds/Storm54
Summary: There really isn't a fandom to suit this. I included the copyright note! © 2005 by John Van Sickle. Permission to quote for non-commercial use is granted, provided that this copyright notice is included. Permission to link from non-commercial Web pages is granted. All other rights reserved.





	Complete Hero List From TV TROPES

I will ignore the Evil Overlord's arguments revolving around honor and/or morality. If he were really all that worked up about either, he would never have become an Evil Overlord in the first place.  
When the Evil Overlord takes hostages, I will presume the hostages dead and hold a memorial service. Any promises made by the Evil Overlord regarding their safe return shall be summarily ignored. My loved ones will be warned to expect this.  
I will not walk alone and undisguised into a bar in the Evil Overlord's territory in order to meet with an ex-associate who said a bunch of damaging things about me in one of the Evil Overlord's propaganda pieces.  
When the Evil Overlord is hanging on the cliff by his fingers, I will not try to help him up. If time and means are available, I'll kill him then and there.  
When I am advised to destroy a magical artifact taken from the Evil Overlord, I will do so.  
Anyone inquiring after the secret of my strength will be fed a line of plausible baloney as to how this strength can be lost. If the bogus advice is followed, the leak shall be properly investigated.  
If an associate begins to transform into something large and threatening, I will immediately act to neutralize the threat, and not wait until the transformation is complete. Likewise, if an enemy begins to metamorphosize into something else, I will immediately start whacking away at it, instead of watching in fascination.  
I will take no oath of unquestioning obedience, nor any oath of obedience to persons of unproved character.  
I will reveal to each comrade a different clue for distinguishing me from an impostor so that if one of them betrays me and an impostor is sent in my place, the others will still be able to catch on to the charade.  
I will never assume that an enemy is dead unless the remains are available for examination, and will keep in mind the possibility of cloning technology or resurrection magic.  
I will employ some manner of surveillance so that when I leave a room and a traitorous comrade gives me the Malicious Scowl or Wicked Leer to my back, I will have ample warning of his impending betrayal.  
Self-appointed prophets who deliver elliptically-worded warnings will be politely asked to phrase their utterances in plainer terms. If said prophet refuses the request, a five-year-old child will be asked to explain the meaning of the prophecy.  
I will waste no time trying to get the rich to join in my rebellion. The only way to stay rich in the Evil Overlord's realm is to collaborate with him, and any rich people who truly feel guilty about this will serve the rebellion better by not openly joining.  
If my mentor tells me that I am not yet ready to confront the Evil Overlord, I will quietly accept his judgement and remain to complete my training.  
If one of the Bad Guys manages to kill my Mentor, I'm clearly not prepared to immediately avenge him; I will retreat and develop my skills.  
I shall arrange my personal affairs so that it doesn't matter if someone learns my Secret Identity.  
If I am granted a vision of the future, I will not try to prevent anything that I see. It never works.  
If I am forced to make a choice between saving a friend/lover or fulfilling my mission, I will remind myself that failing to accomplish the mission will probably result in the friend/lover's death anyway, and go on with the mission.  
If I am captured by the Evil Overlord and escape, I will assume that he is tracking me in some manner. If I am going to the hidden rebel base, I shall first go to an alternate location, change clothing, equipment, and means of transportation, and then go to the hidden rebel base.  
If any of my associates mysteriously disappears, and then returns behaving in an uncharacteristic manner, I will immediately presume that their loyalty has been compromised by the Evil Overlord.  
Old flames that join the rebellion will be assigned duties that preclude contact with me. This not only protects me from any attempt by the Evil Overlord to use them as agents but also keeps my True Love from leaving me in a fit of insane, if misplaced, jealousy.  
I will presume that the Evil Overlord is working to nullify my secret powers. I shall therefore obtain a means to fight that does not rely on these secret powers.  
I will enter into alliances with the Evil Overlord only on the understanding that the rationale he has supplied for the alliance is not the Unvarnished Truth, and furthermore that he will betray me at the moment most advantageous to him.  
I will never travel back into the past in order to prevent the current situation. It never works.  
No matter how sincere he looks, I will never shake the Evil Overlord's hand.  
When my powerful wizard friend fails to return at the appointed time, I won't wait until after my birthday to start my Perilous Journey. I will set out immediately.  
Anything that appears to have been too easy - escaping the Evil Overlord's fortress, defeating the Eldritch Horror, etc. - probably was too easy.  
If the Evil Overlord invites me to go on a hunt with him, I will decline the invitation.  
If I have a copy of the Evil Overlord's plans and my capture is imminent, I will not send the only copy of those plans away with a cute little sidekick. I will make many copies of the plans and send them away with many cute little sidekicks.  
If I maintain a Secret Identity, I will keep my transformation ritual as simple and quick as possible so that I cannot be interrupted during it.  
I will not keep information secret in order to prevent widespread hysteria; it never works.  
My fortress will include a holding room for any annoying kids, nerds, would-be love interests and other wannabes who follow me there and insist on joining my group. They will be kept in this room until the Evil Overlord is defeated. If there are holodecks available, I will throw the wannabe into it while he/she is asleep and activate the Epic Adventure program.  
When the Evil Overlord's Wicked but Beautiful Daughter tries to subvert me through her womanly wiles, I will keep in mind the diseases she is likely to have caught from all the netherwordly creatures with whom she is probably also consorting, as well as the possibility that the Evil Overlord has a hidden camera/crystal ball trained on me and is forcing my True Love to watch.  
I will not needlessly expose myself to enemy gunfire, hand-to-hand combat, or dogfights.  
There are three dimensions in space. I do not have to attack in the same plane as the opponent.  
I will not count on other rebels being as self-sacrificing as I.  
I do not need to give the Overlord a fair chance. Shooting him in the back works for me.  
I will never say "This one is mine!" and engage in a one-on-one struggle with the Evil Overlord or any of his henchmen; however, I might say "This one is mine!" and stand back while, by prior arrangement with my comrades, all available firepower is pumped into the now-distracted target.  
If my village allies defeat the elite forces of the Evil Overlord, I will take a few minutes to learn how they did it and incorporate the information gained into my strategies.  
If my True Love is captured and forced into marriage with the Evil Overlord, I will not attempt to rescue her until after the ceremony unless said ceremony will irrevocably harm or alter her in some way.  
If she doesn't already know, I shall train my True Love in the art of unarmed combat, so that when the Evil Overlord uses her as a human shield she can slam her heel between his legs.  
Likewise, if she doesn't already know, I shall train my True Love in the art of armed combat, to the extent that her natural talents allow.  
If through skill or luck I defeat a better-armed opponent, I will at least try to get his/her/its weapons.  
When I and my companions sneak into the Evil Overlord's stronghold through some unorthodox route such as the main drain, and it appears to be completely unguarded, we will stop and discuss possible explanations for that observation, rather than simply praising our good luck and pressing blithely on.  
After killing a few dozen faceless, anonymous grunts in the Legion of Doom without a second thought, I will not suddenly take a merciful attitude with the Evil Overlord, his family, his lieutenants, or anyone else with a speaking part.  
When I kill one of the Evil Overlord's deer, I will not lug it to his castle and wave it in his face just to make some obscure point, only to wind up having to fight my way out of his castle. I'll just take it home and enjoy some venison.  
I will remember that if the Bad Guy tries to kill enough people, no one will mind too much if I kill him instead of merely disarming him. Especially if it looks like an accident.  
If I am offered two explanations for a phenomenon, one a logical, scientific explanation and the other a load of New Age claptrap, I will accept the scientific explanation.  
My robots will be programmed to speak only when they have something useful to say. That way I will not be tempted to ignore them when they have critical information.  
When I state my intention to do something and one of my robots interrupts me, I will at least hear it out.  
I will wear different outfits from day to day, so that the Evil Overlord's henchmen will not be able to spot me at a glance.  
If I lose a hand and have it replaced with a prosthesis, the prosthesis will have a functional weapon built into it. I can use it to surprise Bad Guys and open canned goods.  
I will not have sex with anyone before a battle. They will either die or betray me during the battle.  
High-sounding directives notwithstanding, I will never value culture above sentient life.  
If I get incriminating evidence about an enemy or a superior, I will make several copies, and store each in a different location. I will not surrender the sole copy to anyone. If ordered to destroy the copies, I will do so, after first making more copies.  
I will not try to make a comrade run faster by yanking on his/her arm. I will instead advise them to stop turning around to look at the pursuing danger (rats, lava, etc.).  
I will not make the sidekick wait somewhere while I go on ahead. He'll only get into worse trouble than he otherwise would.  
Every member of the rebellion will have DNA tests to bring any existing blood relationships to light.  
When five seconds can mean the difference between the survival and destruction of the galaxy, I will keep my wistful expressions of undying fealty, love, or regret to a minimum.  
After knocking out a bad guy, I will kill him silently if I can, cripple him silently if I can't kill him, or disarm him if I can neither kill nor cripple him. If I fail to do any of these, he will come to and jump me from behind.  
My loyal, trusted and heavily armed bodyguards will always be on hand.  
I will never leave my True Love and/or family unguarded unless they can defend themselves.  
I will always pack as much firepower as I can.  
I will never allow my people to speak to prisoners alone, but I will sometimes appear to do so.  
I will maintain constant surveillance on all prisoners in case one of my people tries something behind my back.  
If I discover a mysterious pod in my home, barn, spaceship, or alien territory, I will not stick my face into it or pick it up to see if it is alive. Instead I will have it examined via remote-controlled robot.  
I will not trust a being with an inordinate number of tentacles.  
I will always Read the Fine Print.  
Being captured by the Evil Overlord is one way to learn his secret plans, but there are innumerable other ways that are better, and they will be tried first.  
My weapon of choice will be the one that allows the greatest distance between me and my target.  
When I am forced to decide which of two identical people is the Trusted Ally and which is the Evil Doppelganger, I will stun them both and sort things out in the brig.  
When I make my escape from the Evil Overlord's encampment, I will sabotage as much of the enemy's pursuit capacity (horses, jeeps, rocket bikes, etc) as opportunity permits, sparing only enough for the use of my companions and me.  
If my trusty sidekick always blurts out the fact that I am carrying the most powerful magic object in the world, then I will get a sidekick who is less of a blabbermouth.  
I will be courteous to all, whether friend, foe, or neutral. Especially neutral.  
I will wear a Utility Belt. Not everything I need will be kept there, but I will pretend that I am helpless without it in order to fool the Evil Overlord.  
I will treat law enforcement officials with respect, permit them to handle affairs that are within their capacity, and solicit their advice when circumstances allow. This will establish mutual respect and a good rapport.  
If I have a weakness, I will look for a Sidekick who does not share this weakness. Failing that, I will form a mutual-support association with a Hero not sharing this weakness.  
When sneaking into the fortress of the Evil Overlord, I will disguise myself as someone whose normal behavior I can emulate.  
My guards will be instructed so that when a voice around the corner says "come here," they will assume the speaker to be an intruder and respond accordingly.  
If I am forced to retreat after being ambushed by overwhelming forces, I will not run home where it's safe; whoever is behind the ambush probably has plans for me when I get there.  
I almost certainly have an Evil Twin running around somewhere, if not by birth then as a creation of the Evil Overlord. I will keep an eye out for him, and plan accordingly.  
I will never allow fashion sense to prevent me from carrying whatever is useful or needful for the Heroic Struggle.  
When the Evil Overlord tries to guilt-trip me by claiming that I'll be responsible for something he plans to do if I don't cooperate with him, I'll mercilessly quote Ayn Rand to him.  
If the Evil Overlord wears a mask hiding his features, it's either because he doesn't want to be recognized or because he's bodaciously ugly. I will psych myself up for the shock resulting from either cause when I rip the mask off of him.  
When someone opens the Eldritch Portal to Hell, and I have the means to close it, I will employ said means immediately, and not stop to explain things to everyone.  
People who whine about not being trusted are either:  
Operatives for the Evil Overlord  
Mind-controlled by the Evil Overlord  
Totally clueless about concepts like OPSEC and need-to-know  
Dangerously neurotic and/or immature  
...and are consequently not to be trusted.  
If a mystic proclaims that my destiny is to "defeat the darkness," "bring freedom to the downtrodden," or some such other glorious accomplishment, I will immediately begin preparations for the role. I will not wait for the mystic and several other innocents to get rubbed out by the Evil Overlord.  
If my powers depend on a talisman in my possession, I will never openly display it, but keep it hidden in my codpiece/brassiere; a flashy, gaudy article of jewelry, having no mystical potency of any kind, will be brandished when I employ my superpowers.  
I will begin my lifelong fight against crime immediately upon discovery of my powers, instead of withholding my assistance from the police, thereby allowing a minor criminal to escape and murder one of my loved ones.  
When I am about to enter the Evil Overlord's hideout, I will have it surrounded by friendly forces so that they can detain him if he sneaks out the back door while I kick down the front door.  
If I discover that one of my comrades in the Heroic Struggle has a Dark Secret (i.e., was impersonating the opposite gender, is a blood relative to the Evil Overlord, etc.), I will not dismiss them without further justification.  
The assistance of politicians will be obtained by appealing to their self-interest. Any politician who appears to be cooperating with me out of the kindness of his heart is actually plotting to betray me at some point.  
If my Mentor is slain in combat with the Evil Overlord or his henchmen, I will withdraw quietly, instead of shouting "Noooooo!" at the top of my lungs.  
Any artifact named as if it were a part of somebody, especially if it really was once a part of somebody, is a Talisman of Purest Evil, will only be dealt with in a manner pursuant to its destruction.  
Mountains and castles that are shaped like skulls, hideous faces, fists, etc., are the very Lairs of Evil. All visits will be planned accordingly.  
Female sidekicks who are loyal and dependable make much better True Loves than do vain, pampered princesses who never give me the time of day.  
I will ascertain the whereabouts of all relatives and possible progeny from past love affairs. It's a sure bet that the ones for whom I cannot account are now working for, or actually might be, the Evil Overlord.  
I will not spurn the assistance of a hermit/scholar merely because my other associates claim he is insane.  
If an opponent does not die when his/her/its head is cut off, but instead starts groping for it, I will give the head a good kick to delay reattachment.  
After stunning a Bad Guy, I'll do something to make sure that when he wakes up he won't be a hindrance to my activities.  
If I find myself born or drafted into a universe wherein the laws of nature do not obey consistent principles, I will depart for an alternate universe created by a more reasonable author.  
If there are two minions within arms' reach, my armed bodyguard will be instructed to knock their heads into each other, and then vamoose!  
When conducting any test runs or training runs, I will not make any hard fast rules I myself would not feel comfortable honoring. Well, except for one: "Try not to kill each other."  
I will ignore Rule #3 of the original list. It's just very unheroic to refuse to rescue any hostages for no reason.  
If any friend of mine is rescued (seemingly unharmed) from a sinister laboratory, they will be carefully checked over to make sure they haven't been replaced with an evil knockoff, or forcefully transformed into a Supersoldier against their will. Nothing takes the sheen off a heroic rescue like having one of your commanders killed in his sleep by his own "rescued" wife.  
If I discover that my friend has been augmented into some sort of super soldier by my enemies, I will take appropriate precautions, but I will still hear them out. Especially if they've already proven to be brainwashed before; rejecting their redemption isn't very heroic.  
If I can't somehow have the mind control device removed from the super soldier, I will instead try to have my own allies install a failsafe mechanism that causes them to transmit a radio signal saying "WARNING: [Insert name here] HAS BEEN BRAINWASHED!" and causes them to glow bright red.  
My battle gear will include the best helmet I can get my hands on. Seeing my face might be good for my comrades-in-arms' morale, but keeping it in one piece would be even better.  
I will avoid any contest of skill hosted by the Overlord. As the Hero, I have plenty better ways to get PR points, and if I cared what the Overlord thought of me, I wouldn't be trying to overthrow them.  
The parking garage is for shopping, not hiding out.  
If an ally busts through the doors sweating and out of breath, I will instruct him to take a seat and rest a little to get his bearings first. Being in a state like that, chances are this is going to be important.  
If my kid sidekick keeps trying to borrow my equipment, I'll get them their own.  
If I meet my mentor's mentor, I'll remember that their occupational hazard goes double for them.  
I will refer any plucky orphan children with a grudge against the Overlord to a good social worker far away from the front lines. What they call "sidekicks", I call "child soldiers" and "inevitable hostages".  
I will not maintain an absolute rule of never killing anyone. It's fine if I value human life enough to spare the average bad guy, but there are clearly some individuals who are too dangerous to be left alive.  
If the Overlord's minions decide to give chase, my allies will be instructed to lure them all the way outside their field — and therefore away from their position — before engaging in any further combat.  
The next time that I must recapture an infamous criminal mastermind who's well known for repeatedly escaping from the same poorly guarded jail many times, I will persuade the authorities to just lock them up in the nation's (or world's) best supermax prison.  
No matter how boring I find the labor, I will not refuse any mundane tasks assigned to me by my mentor for any reason. Those old masters tend to have tons of tricks up their sleeves, and are definitely not shy about using them.  
If I'm a superhero with a secret identity, I will immediately notify all trusted friends and family members. Having to invent lies and excuses is not worth the hassle of frustrating my loved ones.  
Before admitting anyone into my allied forces in any capacity, I will put them on cleaning and maintenance duty at our base of operations for a full month (also see #17).  
If my arch-nemesis is killed during our climactic confrontation, I will verify that his body is really dead; if so, I will cremate him into a pile of ashes, and then scatter the ashes through the wind. This is to reduce the chances of him coming Back from the Dead.  
If I'm a kid or teen with superpowers, I'll wait until I'm an adult and move out of the house before I start fighting evil. Thus, I won't have to deal with my parents if they don't want me to risk my life. Also, I should be focused on finishing my education first.  
The time to engage my opposite number is when (1) I have a completely straight and clear shot, and (2) my allied forces and / or Anti-Hero associates have disposed of enough minions to complicate any counter-initiatives. Otherwise, I will not actively attempt to seek him out.  
As tempting as it may be, I will not date any villainesses. For obvious reasons, these kinds of relationships never work out well. I'll only change my mind if she sincerely reforms her wicked ways first.  
For the most part, I will stay the hell away from time travel; due to the risk of paradoxes, butterfly effects, and other troublesome consequences of attempting to use it for my own gain. I will only ever use a time machine if I must correct any catastrophic meddling caused by a time-travelling villain.  
I will take care to manage my personal brand. If I've made it this far without killing anyone, shooting the villain will probably cause more problems than it would solve, in tedious drama at a bare minimum. I'll leave that side of things to my Anti-Hero associates; they thrive on grittiness anyway.  
There's a good chance our first task is going to involve a lot of plain dumb luck and winging it. Should any of my core allies still be around after that first challenge, we will use the downtime to get a basic grounding in each other’s area of expertise.  
Whenever my allied forces need helmets, and the funds and means are available, they will all be outfitted with transparent anti-scratch plexiglass visors and sturdy neck pieces.  
If I'm ever involved in any kind of vehicular combat (Especially the ones with giant robots), I will make sure to make my vehicle stand out via paint jobs or decorations.  
Regardless of the setting and the genre of the work I'm in, I will avoid entering any location with only one exit or light source if it is unnecessary.  
I will try to implement a system which will automatically bleeps out any fate tempting statements made by anyone on my team including me.  
If I have failed several times stopping the evil overlord from trying to unseal the Sealed Evil in a Can or to gather parts needed for his doomsday device, I will stop trying to foil his Evil Plan and instead wait and prepare to stop him when he is almost or already completed since I probably can't foil his plan so early.  
My traveling party will always include several women — including one or two not built like tavern wenches. Invariably we will encounter a beauty trap and need someone who isn’t likely to fall for it.  
Among the women in my traveling party will be at least one Girl Friday. Unless he has one of his own, the Overlord is almost certainly sure to be surprised by a battle-savvy secretary.  
I will take detailed notes on my entire journey and every little details about everything I did, everyone I met and every problem I have encountered and overcame. Since memory loss can easily happen to me, especially after I just did some awesome things. Keeping a record like this will make sure that I can recover from any memory lost of this sort. In addition, it will also help should I absolutely have to Time Travel or pull a Memory Gambit. Multiple copies of the note will be kept at different places and frequently updated.  
If, heaven forbid, the Overlord does capture me despite my best efforts, I will not ask him, “What’s all this about?” That’s probably the quickest way to get a bullet to the head.  
I will remind myself that talking is not always a free action and me and my conversation partner can be doing other things while talking.  
When setting out for the raid, I will have at least two minivans ready. The drivers will remain at their vehicles – at least one inside and one outside the gates – in case of trouble, each with their own reinforcements.  
If I am capable of transforming into a super-powered form, I will not do so in front of my enemy unless I have some kind of protection during this highly-vulnerable moment, such as deflector shields or a cadre of bodyguards.  
If I am aware either that: I can be easily resurrected by my own power; or I am already technically "dead"; or My teammate can easily heal and revive me; or I have been killed and recovered through some other methods multiple times before; then I will be Honor Before Reason and make Heroic Sacrifice whenever the situation demands. I can also fake my own death or fake someone else's to get out of some nastly situations quickly.  
Since this is real life and not a JRPG, I'm not restricted by any Arbitrary Headcount Limit, so I will bring as many allies into a fight as possible. Of course, not all of them will follow me closely, as my long range wizards or artillery units will be standing and provide support at a safe distance while my dragons or gunships soar through the battlefield and rains Death from Above.  
Unless it is a clearly established emergency, my allied forces will not interfere in the operations of local agencies. We might need their support later.  
Just because I am a wizard doesn't mean I can't use a gun, if I can master all these difficult spells, trying to shoot and aim should be no problem. Therefore, if my team includes both technology-based fighters and magic/psionic/superpower users, not only will I train my power users to use modern or futuristic firearms, they will also learn some basics in vehicular combat so they wouldn't be defenseless without their powers. Also, I will introduce some entry level magic to my soldiers if it is possible for them to learn it.  
Everyone, including those that have no knowledge in swordsmanship, will have a Wooden Katana as a last resort backup weapon.  
I will set up two distinct forces: a Have side that can easily fund new activity and equipment, and a Have Not side that builds from flesh and blood.  
If we need to enter a compound where confrontation is a certainty, all of my traveling party will wear full mottled grey outfits rather than slick black.  
While I do understand that true heroism is done for the sake of altruism rather than expecting rewards or recognition, if possible I will try to find a way to make it a full-time (well-)paid job. The reason is simple; even after saving the world, I still need to pay the bills, and trying to juggle being a volunteer superhero with a part-time (ill-)paid job or school is very inconveniently time-consuming.  
For similar reasons as the above, I will try to put a reasonable time limit or regular schedule for my heroism, if I must balance it with a normal life. I'll try to join not just a small team, but a large organization of heroes, so that lesser individual responsibility may give me a greater amount of free time.  
Before any sort of raid, I will send a scout or two into the fortress and / or onto the grounds disguised as a janitor or secretary. (Unless there is a confirmation of an actual take-out order, this tactic will not be considered for deliveries.) During the actual raid, they will remain at the base with the defensive forces.  
I will assume everyone I come across that look like they can't hurt a fly is a Hidden Badass, especially if he/she is a nerd, a innocent child, or a cute teenager. The chances are that they are almost always either a Badass Bookworm, The Kid with the Remote Control, a Badass Adorable, a Waif-Fu, a Cute Bruiser or a Girly Bruiser and so on. Therefore, not only will I treat them with courtesy (which can be something new to them since they are usually overlooked) and look for potential for them to join my team, as while they are very nice people, they can easily destroy anyone that messes with them. On the other hand, I will also be on the lookout for such innocent enemies.  
My base of operations, be it a Cool Spaceship, a Heroes "R" Us headquarters or just a ordinary compound, will be equipped with at least 3 different source of power. Similarly, everything that can have a fail safe system will have one on it, plus multiple redundant mechanism in case of failure. In addition, protection against EMP and ionization will be a standard on every piece of equipment. Finally, I will make sure those goddamned blast doors close quickly and all at the SAME TIME instead of a slow and dramatic one-by-one shut down.  
Related to the rule above, if I do have a Cool Spaceship, not only will I have multiple power sources onboard, I will also install multiple shielding systems and leave at least one of them on at all times. Alternatively, I will invest in interception systems or opt for a drone swarm. Also, my ship will have multiple different Faster-Than-Light Travel systems, so in case my wormhole generator is damaged and my hyperdrive is restricted by a gravity projection, I can still escape using my warp drive.  
If I have to carry out any sort of clandestine operation, I will act as if the enemy has already find out about our plan and countered accordingly. And if we do get compromised, I will make sure that I can call a backup army that is still enough to complete the mission in the most not undercover way possible.  
I will appeal mainly to the self-interest of any new members of my forces. Like the sleazy politico, they have their own reasons and motivations for involvement.  
I will tell all my True Companions about my backstory and I will listen to theirs. Hiding all those details can and will make things unnecessarily difficult and can undermine our relationship.  
Instead of a twee little monkey or ferret or the like, my familiar will be a venomous snake or something similarly capable of defending itself. Bonus points if the pet triggers a phobia in the villain. Even so, I won't overlook cute ''and'' deadly pets.  
If my boss begins acting strangely, especially if his eyes or appearance look suspicious, I will draw appropriate conclusions.  
If I ever become aware of information of something fantastic or unusual in my setting, I will not tell the police the whole truth of the story, lest they think I'm insane. I will instead give them a plausible-sounding story about the villain, and then let them figure out the rest when they arrive to help me.  
If my strength is as that of ten men, I will not pick a fight with eleven bad guys.  
If my strength comes from my pure heart, I will also remember Lancelot and make sure to keep my heart (and other parts) pure, or at least weigh the "strength of ten" thing against the momentary pleasure of a boinking.  
If one of my teammates suddenly starts to regularly separate from the group or act excessively emotional, I will make the time to take them aside and ask why, even if they're naturally a loner. If I'm wrong, there's no harm done, and if I'm right, I may have just uncovered a traitor—or PTSD issues beyond the norm.  
If a villain is blackmailing me, I shall not automatically assume that my teammates cannot help me. Unless said villain has a method of instantly killing them if I reveal the truth, which is unlikely, I will tell my companions about any forced compliance or revealed plans, and we will work something out.  
Before carrying out any ritual to increase my power, I will read up on any psychoactive effects the ritual may have, and take appropriate medication.  
If I suddenly realize that the Big Bad's Evil Plan may have a completely different goal from the one I've been assuming, I will not think about it for a week while muttering "it couldn't be!" to myself. Instead, I will tell someone.  
I will consider forming a secret identity before gallivanting off on any heroics or villainy; being open tends to cause social and legal problems, while surrounding you with entirely useless flunkies/groupies.  
If I have a secret identity, it will not use a Sdrawkcab Alias; they always get seen through quickest. I will also tell my loved ones as soon as possible. A general rule for revealing it to people I date is that if the person has been with me for a month, they're not a villain in disguise. Also, if informing my friends/family about details of my Heroic Struggle would not be a danger to them or detrimental to the cause, I will keep them updated on the dangers I discover. It could save their lives someday.  
I will not assume that the villains' plans on whom they will attack all revolve around me. Whether it's my friends and family to even some innocent nameless villagers, villains are generally not picky on whom they want to do bad things to.  
My allies and I will decide in advance who will be saved if any of us are forced to make a Sadistic Choice or Friend or Idol Decision.  
If the conflict I am fighting in obeys some ancient traditions, I will not break them to get an advantage, that is Villain territory; and breaking them first will result in Karmic Backslash. If someone else does it first then all bets are off.  
If I am the hero and find myself, for some reason or another, planning a heroic sacrifice and/or suicide, I will sit down for a minute and think before doing anything drastic. Yes, it may be difficult to think clearly when contemplating one's imminent death, but if I didn't have the willpower to push through that, I probably wouldn't be a hero. I will use common sense to think about how my death would affect my loved ones, followers, location, and even the inanimate objects I protect from evil. There are worlds where all the Heroes have died. They are not pretty.  
If one of my friends suddenly starts wearing all black, Spikes of Villainy, or the like, I will look into why.  
I will understand that illegal bomb-makers DO NOT have a manual or training course. They will not helpfully color code the wiring, which is likely all to come off one reel, and cut to length as needed.  
If I truly must be a Celibate Hero, I will try to be fairly knowledgeable about all the folks whom I work with. If any of them might be sexually attracted to me, I will try to be civil about it and if I must I will let them down gently, but definitely keep friendship as an option if necessary. I will not flat out ignore them (especially if they are generally respectable people). Because fans and the like are more forgiving towards Celibate heroes if they aren't being used as a plot device to keep other characters in a perpetually unrequited romance just for the sake of one.  
If possible, my team will consist only of mature, well-adjusted adults; as emotionally unstable people seem all too easily lured to The Dark Side. If having an emotionally unstable member on my team is unavoidable, they will be encouraged to come straight to me with whatever is troubling them, I will do my best to help rather than dismissing their fears and they will under no circumstances be allowed to spend any time alone with some creepy old guy.  
If I'm training the next Hero, I won't hide any vital pieces of information from him/her. It doesn't matter that my pupil may not be ready to master the Dangerous Forbidden Technique or handle his possible connection to the Big Bad; Mentor Occupational Hazard means I'm going to die soon and the hero will learn the truth anyway, probably in circumstances that are less than ideal. I don't want him/her to suffer a Heroic BSoD because of the villain's Hannibal Lecture or be forced to master my final technique in the one month left to before the Final Battle.  
If, while I am resting at home between critical stages of my adventure, a man with a large crate comes to the door and says I have a package that I didn't order, I will kick him in the groin. Harsh, yes, but it's that or get stuffed in the crate and get taken to goodness-knows-where, so rather him than me.  
I will get all my ethical dilemma crap out of the way early on so that I know whether I'd be able to shoot the Big Bad when I have the chance or not. If future events make me feel that I must re-evaluate my principles, I will do it sooner rather than later.  
I will never tell the Villain mid-fight to "chill out". This will prompt them to say "very well" and fire a hidden ice weapon.  
I will try to avoid fighting with villains that have hypnotic powers, as they will try to brainwash you with them.  
If I turn a corner and suddenly encounter an army of mooks pointing their weapons at me and everyone freezes, I will remember that my first action will cause them to open fire. Therefore, rather than making it a short quip, I will start running.  
I will recognize that some names are just associated with bad guys as a rule. For example, someone named "Destroyo" is probably up to no good, otherwise they'd go with "Life-Buildo or Have a Nice Dayo".  
If the team has acquired a crucial MacGuffin and has to transport it somewhere, then the person I entrust it to will be both the strongest and the most trustworthy person I know. If that person is myself then regardless of whoever else is available, I will not let anyone else get their paws on it for love nor money. In the event that someone tries to offer either love or money in return for being able to carry it then I will not only refuse, but will also make sure to remove that person from my list of trustworthy people. There will be plenty of time for sex and profiting after the world isn't in mortal danger.  
When trying to reason with a villain on a Roaring Rampage of Revenge, no one on my side of the negotiations will be allowed to say "We can give you anything you want". The villain will respond "I want my X back" and lose rationality, resetting all our efforts and resulting in nothing but a big waste of time.  
I will never pick sides between two powerful forces fighting over mankind's future with equally extreme yet opposite philosophies. Choosing to be neutral and fight both sides will always end up leading to a far better outcome for humanity and myself.  
If I'm working for a government agency like the FBI or a wealthy benefactor with connections to the same, I will make use of those connections if the sheriff and/or some other local official becomes hostile and tries to impede my investigation. Odds are that they're corrupt and in on the crime I'm investigating.  
Alternately, if a sidekick is too much of a blabbermouth, I will let him wander into enemy territory by himself. It’s a two-for-one deal: the nuisance is Trapped Behind Enemy Lines, and the enemy is wasting precious resources on him.  
In daytime and peacetime, my allies and I will dress as the rank and file. Even pastels and bolds can safely be worn in a crowd. However, more specific color schemes will be reserved for other events.  
I will keep in track of the surrounding and environment I'm currently traveling in. If I ever find myself in a grand and atmospheric location, I will be prepared as this can be a major point of my journey, assuming this is not where it ends.  
I will acknowledge that when trying to escape a large blockade, an enemy controlled territory, a restricted dystopian city or any other sort of overwatched Closed Circle, stealth may not always be the best option. If circumstances allow and all previous sneaky attempts have failed, I can use the brute force method to destroy whatever is in our way and escape in chaos.  
It's probably extremely likely that there are some powerful and shady organizations, cults or conspiracies around in the form of The Omniscient Council of Vagueness, The Illuminati, Nebulous Evil Organisation, Secret Circle of Secrets, or Ancient Conspiracy that may or may not have anything to do with the Big Bad. While I can't do anything about them, I will assume that they have an eye on me, and I will try to investigate the truth of them while watching me and my companions' actions to avoid being an Unwitting Pawn in their gambits.  
If I'm given control of a Humongous Mecha and/or Combining Mecha, the first order of business will be to learn as much as possible about how the damn thing works and what I have to do to use it to its fullest potential.  
I will upgrade and maintain the above mecha regularly to at least keep it up to spec with current enemy mecha technology, and set finding and recovering better mecha technology as top priority behind fighting the Big Bad.  
Before any head-on confrontation, I will determine what and where the Overlord’s supply line is. If can’t cut it off completely, at least I can disrupt it.  
While I will try my best to keep my Unique Protagonist Asset a secret from those malicious individuals of interest, I will know that sooner or later, my special power will come to the public's attention, and therefore I will not refrain from using my special power solely for keeping it as a secret. What I will do, however, it so spread different misinformation about my power around while keeping my trusted allies informed.  
If I ever have to investigate an ominous location where nobody has returned alive, be it a Haunted House, a Old, Dark House, an Abandoned Laboratory or any kind of Eldritch Location, I will take as many people with me as I can and never split up. Alternatively, if I'm tasked with exterminating whatever rests within, I will blow the entire place up from a safe distance.  
If I have some Super Senses and just feels "something isn't right", I will never assume that It's Probably Nothing and I will tell everyone about it. Similarly, if someone on my team tells me that, I will not simply dismiss it either.  
I will try to take rule #88 above into consideration when trying to infiltrate an enemy base or mounting a rescue mission, since while the villain might be Genre Savvy enough to counter my stealth tactics, it wouldn't be much help if I just decided to brute force through with my team.  
I will play music in me and my allies' headphones or ear communicators. When charging into battles, a selection of epic uplifting orchestra or hybrid rock soundtrack will play.  
I will listen to every little seemingly insignificant suggestions from any one on my team. In fact, I will actively talk to everyone, since not only can this be helpful and strengthen our relationship, it's just that likely that someone have some vital information that he/she will not say unless I talk to them.  
I and some of my allies will practice in speech skills, not only it will be used to convince any defeated enemy to join us, it will be be used to trick the Big Bad into Evil Gloating when we confront him to waste his time.  
Whenever there is a close-up physical confrontation between an ally and an opponent, my allies will make no attempt to directly intervene. Instead, they will form a barricade around the combatants. The enemy will be blocked off on all sides if s/he tries to make a run for it.  
I will learn to recognize the names of people and things and infer what they tell about a person or an object. For example, I will not ignore the opportunity to obtain a sword called Excalibur, stay the hell away from someone called The Undefeated One, gladly accept a young girl named Jeanne's request to join me, and quickly realize that the girl named Venus I just came across is very likely the lost cousin of my sidekick Mars.  
If my journey takes me to Japan, I will take the time to observe any kabuki shows that I casually come across. There’s a good chance whomever is working the props is actually a Ninja or ninja-in-training.  
If the circumstances allows, I will do as much as I can to try to convince any defeted antagonists that isn't a Complete Monster, such as the Anti-Villain, Dark Magical Girl, Rival Turned Evil, or even The Dragon to see the light and make a Heel–Face Turn. Obviously, I will not force them, if I fail, I'll just try again the next time I met (and possibly fight) them.  
Of course, before I can nicely ask my enemy for a Heel–Face Turn, I will have to fight them. Therefore, I will follow the successful magnetic heroes' examples to beat the crap out of them without holding back. Given their strength, they will survive without problem and this will eventually help the Defeat Means Friendship process in various ways.  
If I am tasked with disposing of an Ancient Artifact, I will not split it into several parts and have them hidden all over the world. I will completely destroy at least one piece, if not all of them.  
If I hear that an artifact has been stolen/destroyed/scattered into little pieces, before going on a quest to restore it I will do a research on the artifact in question to see if it should stay stolen/destroyed/scattered.  
If I come across any piece of a Dismantled Macguffin that serves no purpose other than destroying the world or summoning horrific monstrosities, I'll immediately destroy it, not look for the remaining pieces. Better yet, I'll make a fake version of it, to trip up any evil-doer looking to complete the artifact. Similarly, if I find a clue to the location of such an artifact, I'll destroy that clue, not seek out the artifact. I will not lead the villain to the artifact or give him the opportunity to capture my beloved in exchange for the artifact.  
If I am in a situation with zombie/vampire or any creature that can infect me with a bite, I will do my best to avoid being bitten. I will wear long-sleeved shirts, thick jackets and pants whenever possible. In addition, I will not poke my hand into any dark corners while scavenging. Upon entering a place, I will listen very carefully for any shuffling, moaning or any noise that the creatures typically make. I might even deliberately make some noise to determine how many of them (if any) are in the place I'm planning to scavenge or stay.  
I will not act in such a way that might cause misunderstanding with my allies. I will do my best to communicate clearly to my allies when a situation arises. Likewise, when I see a person in my group acting strangely, I will not take it personal and start antagonizing him, but instead try to understand his/her problem. I will not raise my voice in an argument, but instead try to calm everybody down so we don't get caught off guard by a killer while arguing.  
If our group is in unfamiliar territory, with danger lurking nearby, we will do the following. (1) Stay together, never split up from the group for any reason. (2) Whenever possible, travel during the day, especially if we're in the woods. (3) If we absolutely have to move, we will move slowly while watching all directions instead of running or looking at the same direction. (4) If the threats are closing fast, and we cannot outrun them, we will try to hide or ambush them. (5) In case of a fight, we will never hesitate to gang up on a single attacker.  
Leather is for bags and footwear, not catsuits.  
If my allied forces incapacitate or kill a uniformed enemy, the uniform will be taken to an independent forensics unit. Once its origins and DNA are verified, we can properly determine what to do with it next.  
In dire situations, if any of my companion tells me to do something that seems counter intuitive, I will do as they say. Chances are that they've got a plan and I can listen to their explanation later.  
If any of my ally tells me to do something that seems counter intuitive in any non-dire situation, I will listen to their reasons rather than saying how they are nuts.  
I will never create any being that has a mind of its own whose sole purpose is to be used as a tool or a weapon. if I ever come across any being or person like this, I will rescue them from their misery and help them recover from their physical and psychological traumas.  
If my superpowers are highly lethal, I'm better off as an Anti-Hero. Holding back in fights is generally not a good idea, and the people like antiheroes anyway.  
Corollary: if I become an Anti-Hero, I will choose a city teeming with mass-murdering psychopaths as my home turf. Killing those monsters is better for my PR than murdering pickpockets or non-murderous villains.  
If I am a dark and gritty Anti-Hero, I will befriend a Knight in Shining Armor hero with the morality of a boy scout. He will be extremely valuable as a PR-asset and as a character witness in my inevitable trial. In exchange, I will get rid of his recurring villains for good.  
If I am a Knight in Shining Armor hero with the morality of a boy scout, I will befriend a dark and gritty Anti-Hero. He will be extremely valuable as a disposer of my recurring villains who mistakenly think that he shares my Thou Shalt Not Kill morality. In exchange, I will testify on his behalf in his inevitable trial.  
My True Love will be left with a firmly established ally – and whatever reinforcements I can spare – with his own reasons for being part of the resistance. They will be instructed to always travel together, but not always too close.  
My mask will be the first thing I put on when I'm getting into costume, and the last thing I take off when getting out of it. It would be quite embarrassing if my secret identity was found out because someone took a photo of me wearing the rest of my suit sans mask.  
I will release a line of high quality replicas of my costume through a front company. That way even if I forget the previous vow, I can claim that I've been cosplaying. (The bulletproof lining will be reserved for the original suits though.)  
If I find a villain who has ice-themed powers, I will attack him in the middle of him saying his ice-related pun. Likewise, if I have an ally who has ice-themed powers, I'll tell him to just use his attacks without the jokes. (These tactics will also be used with any other elemental beings regardless of whose side they're on.)  
Pragmatism does not count against my hero rating, no matter what the villain says.  
If Dark Is Not Evil, it's good enough for me.  
There is no overkill, just 'kill it' and 'kill it again to be sure.'  
Always write everything down in case of Amnesia Episode.  
Alternate me's usually indicate time and space are self-destructing. In that instance, we will immediately join up to kick whatever asshole's doing it to the curb.  
Gloating is unsportsmanlike and wastes time. Mid battle banter is not.  
One-Handed Zweihänder make excellent chopping, slicing, dicing, logging, intimidation, bullet redirectors(with fast enough reflexes), walking sticks, hammers, and minor characters, depending on the sentience of said zweihander.  
Linearity means it's over faster. Nonlinearity means it's over later, but I have the Infinity +1 Sword.  
Zombies do not know the meaning of "Overkill".  
Sanity is never a prerequisite for heroing, you'll lose it anyways.  
You get used to the crazy stuff depressingly easy, then question your sanity. Refer to above rule.  
If I can manipulate an element, bosses who rely on said element can be manipulated into walls, spikes, deathtraps, and off a cliff.  
I will not take up smoking, nor will smoking be allowed within ten feet of our base of operations. One, the effectiveness of cigarettes to create smoke signals has not been proven. Two, if an enemy is a chain smoker, his habit will instinctively give him away.  
Shotguns have a range of 'it plus about a yard'. On the plus side, bloody giblets if an idiot Mook gets in range.  
Look into neutral deities before doing something to accidentally piss them off.  
Refusal means stubbornness, acceptance means they're either a fanboy (refer to rule 33), stupid, insane, or a spy.  
Hammers solve all blunt-force related problems.  
Chainsaws are perfectly acceptable weapons. The Evil Overlord is just lying.  
Transformations will not be baleful. They will be functional.  
Remind me to schedule another therapy session.  
Polygamy is a valid approach to romance if played right. If not, claim chastity.  
"Hunting" doesn't mean "AOE the place and pick up the remains".  
Railguns are Awesome, but Impractical. Orbital Bombardment cannons are not.  
Kill Sat do orbit every now and then.  
Point black hole gun away from face.  
If the gun plays the 1812 Overture when it's fired, it's considered overkill.  
Macross Missile Massacre and laser barrages will not work. Mass Driver cannons will.  
If at first you don't succeed, berserk.  
Rage is a steroid and an anesthetic. As is adrenaline.  
I will watch my step around any and all ancient temples and tombs. Chances are whatever I grab is going to lead to trouble up the wazoo.  
If an ally says something is too easy, that definitely means it's a trap.  
If an ally says something along the lines of 'It's quiet', it's also a trap.  
I shall never accept a supernatural deal.  
If it recovers health, it's more common than dirt. If it recovers power for spells/abilities, it's rarer than an honest villain.  
Deception means I passed the Speech check.  
Speech and Charisma are the second most important skills/traits after combat ability.  
Perk systems will be abused to hell and back.  
Gambling is never a good idea. Understanding how such games work always is.  
No, I will not follow the Obviously Evil version of me. But there's nothing wrong with having my opposite number following his obviously good version of him.  
Lasers make for good intimidation tactics against Mooks.  
Who says you can't enjoy beating the hell out of the villain of the week?  
Always adhere to the Seventy Maxims for Maximally Effective Mercenaries, particularly Maxim #37.  
A PR department works wonders for your public image.  
If I end up destroying sections of inhabited locations, I will claim the villain did it.  
Collateral damage is not a myth.  
Weapon Twirling is a useful distraction in some cases, but not in others.  
Rule of Cool applies to everything, including the bitchin' blade I just picked up.  
Shooting the villain in the middle of his monologue does not count against my morality. Hell, anyone can have the honor of delivering the death blow to the Overlord — though usually better to leave that to his underlings.  
Morality Meters are pointless.  
If the villain can do it when we fight, he can do it if he joins me.  
My puns and jokes will come after the attack.  
Anything and everything can be an improvised weapon based on the location.  
There's nothing wrong with unwinding at a bar or a club every now and then. However, we will not dance with a stranger, lest it result in a Bar Brawl simply because of a jealous partner.  
Just because every member of a certain race or tribe has always been hostile towards me, does not mean that the next one I encounter will be hostile. After all, that other one might have been the sort that gives their race/tribe such a bad name. Alternatively, the reverse could be true. That being said, I won't be so foolish to just be openly friendly towards them, although being polite towards them might help.  
I shall be an Equal Opportunity Employer. No matter what a person's race, species, religion, sexual orientation, gender, national (or planetary) origins, skin color, hair color, shoe size, (and everything else), I shall have no issues hiring them, pending a background check. I can gain the favor of the minorities this way.  
If I know that my allies can be extremely powerful when they go berserk, and the situation is looking dire, I will try to get hit and pretend to be killed, which is almost certain to let most of my allies go into Roaring Rampage of Revenge, turning the tide of the battle. However, this is a last resort and should definitely not be used regularly.  
In fact, if me and my companions can become almost invincible during an Unstoppable Rage, then I should probably figure out how to control and use our hidden inner power, essentially turning this uncontrollable Berserk Mode into a controlled Super Mode.  
If I truly believe in Right Makes Might and this way of heroism has got me into many near-death situations but I managed to survive all these impossible odds, I will continue my Honor Before Reason ways without any doubt, as it might be foolish, but it will always work out in the end.  
I will see that my forces are cross-trained in all elements of fighting. This includes Melee, Ranged, Magic, and support elements, like Stealth, Healing, Foraging, and anything else. (Also see Rule #26.)  
Likewise, my ninjas shall learn from my swordsmen so that they can deliver powerful hits, just as my swordsman will learn from them on how to deliver stealthy ones. This goes with my archers learning how to use magic from my mages and my mages learning how to use archery from my archers. Likewise, all four groups will learn from each other, and all other specialized groups will also learn from each other. (Again, also see Rule #26.)  
If I am a Monster Slayer, I shall find a friendly monster who is of the same species as the one I'm hunting, and ask them for advice, and maybe practice techniques on. After all, just because I have the weapon that can kill the monster, that doesn't mean I know the monster's weakest point to make the kill easy for me.  
If I am a Monster Hunter, I shall study my target. If my target is indeed a vicious man-eater, I will see about killing them. If they are friendly, or fight because they have no choice, I'll see if a deal can be made instead between them and the village that hired me; said monster might actually be able to protect them, and help them with farming and building, and whatever else it is village farmers do.  
I shall read the Evil Overlord Vows, and then insert false information in it.  
There is always a place in one of my forces for someone of dubious character or mental health.  
I shall adopt a plain and mundane name, such as Bob, or Alice, or something just as common. Those with an Awesome Mc Coolname, like The Destroyer, tend to last two seconds in a fight. Those with boring names, they can take out entire armies. A combination of names is also not unheard of.  
I shall assume that the Evil Overlord has read this list, as well as those preceding it, and has inserted false information into it. That being said, I shall see about fixing it.  
If I have befriended a powerful monster, and said monster wishes to have first crack at the Evil Overlord, I shall let them do so. If they scare away half of the enemy's forces, good. If they kill the other half, good. If they devour the Evil Overlord, I shall see that they get some Pepto-Bismol for any heartburn, indigestion, nausea, upset stomach, or diarrhea, as the Evil Overlord might be a little extra spicy for them.  
If the Evil Overlord says "No Man of Woman Born can kill me!" I shall take a quick look at myself, to see if I am a woman, or even not human, and if this is true, I'll just say, "Too bad I am not a man of woman born then." At which point, I'll have also just killed them.  
Likewise, if I am indeed a man, but not of woman born, either through cloning or test tubes, or some other scientific or magical thing, I can still kill them.  
If there is a woman, or a man not born of a woman, or even a non-human in my party, I shall simply give the One Weapon that can kill the Evil Overlord to them, and let them do the job, and, because we knew that this was a possibility all along, we'll carry out the plan where we protect that person, until they can kill the Evil Overlord.  
If it turns out that I am just the Decoy Protagonist, and that another member of my party is the True Hero, who is destined to defeat the Big Bad, I shall have the decency to train them, and that, when the time comes, pass them my sword and shield, and let them fulfill their role. Hopefully this will just mean that I won't be as famous as them afterwards, and it wasn't because I got killed, like a number of mentors and such who tend to have this dealt out to them in this particular role.  
If the Big Bad says "Nothing of this Earth can kill me!", I shall check to see if someone from Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, another planet, a fictional realm, or an alternative Earth, is a member of the party, and let them do the job. I will also look into acquiring some Thunderbolt Iron.  
On the other hand, if the Evil Overlord declares that "Nothing sentient can kill me!", I'll remind him that my bullets are in fact, not sentient.  
If I have a permanent base, from which I launch my operations, I shall make sure to have a garden. Not only are having fresh homegrown fruits and vegetables important to your health, to say nothing about having herbs to flavor meat, but flowers are nice to look at. It's a great way to relax, especially if the day was rough. Besides, I can utilize the garden as part of a disguise for the base. After all, an armed camp is an obvious threat to an Evil Overlord, but a place seemingly filled with farmers just might fool him long enough for me to plan my attack against him, among other things.  
Also, I shall remember to bring my loyal robot companion on my journey, especially if said companion is programmed for combat. Alternatively, I shall remember my magical minions tend to help me out.  
If need be, I shall hire mercenaries. Despite their reputation for working for the Evil Overlord, Hired Guns are at times loyal to those who pay their checks, and there are plenty who honor their contracts. Besides, some have goals similar to mine, and money just might be the incentive they need to fight for my side.  
Likewise, I might just use money as a means to get the Evil Overlord's men to either leave him, look the other way, or betray him. I just have to be smart about which minion I try to bribe.  
If need be, I shall know when to retreat, or, much as I hate to do it, surrender, or, to be technical, seem to surrender. If need be, I will seem to be subservient to the Evil Overlord, especially if he is in the superior position, either with weapons, personnel, supplies, and all other things needed to be in charge. That being said, I will seek to undermine his rule, create mistrust within his ranks, gather allies and supplies, then, when the time is right, strike.  
If the Evil Overlord attacks on the holidays, especially if they attack the spirits and beings who represent said holidays, I shall certainly attack the Evil Overlord, and thus I shall gain the assistance of the holiday spirits and beings. Nothing says I can't create an army of Santa Clause and his Elves, combined with the Easter Bunny and his Chickens, the Tooth Fairy, the Great Pumpkin, the Giant Turkey, and all of them other guys, and kick ass Holiday-Style.  
I will do as the Romans once did, and learn from my foes. If their weapons and tactics, and other things, are superior to my own, I shall adopt the ones that fit my needs and abilities.  
If the Evil Overlord tries to create an Enemy Mine situation with me against someone who plans to destroy the world, or for whatever reason, I shall see to it that one of my trusted associates keeps an eye on them, just in case they try to backstab me when it's all finished.  
There are always ways to get around Crippling Overspecialization, as if when all I have is a hammer, it can do absolutely anything.  
If me and my companions go Berserk often, I'll make sure someone is there to pick us up after our certain Post-Victory Collapse.  
If I hear that the kingdom is run by an Evil King, along with an Evil Adviser, I shall examine them, to see which one is really evil. If the adviser is "mistranslating" the kings orders, twisting them for his own ends, I'll kill him. If the advisor is trying to soften the harsher effects of the king's edicts, I'll kill the king. If both are equally evil, I'll kill both.  
I shall have one Token Evil Teammate, preferably a dark anti-hero, who is good person, but even a lighter shade of evil type of person will do. After all, he understands what's in the hearts of those who are evil. Also, you never know when you need a bad guy to do the dirty work.  
If the Evil Overlord invites me over to play tennis, chess, go-karting, or some other normally friendly game or activity, I shall assume this to be a trap, and shall be prepared for an attempt on my life. That being said, I shall play fair and square, and give a good accounting of myself, but I will not do so at my utmost best, for he'll use the activity to judge my capabilities, and it pays to be underestimated. Of course, in the event he makes a move to try to kill me, I shall kill him immediately.  
Lying around feasting on roast boar and chugging mead between battles is not OK. Using mead to baste or flavor roast boar for dinner is perfectly fine, though.  
My allied forces will have their own independent supplies of sustenance. That way, until the source is officially verified, they will not be tempted by any external vendors who might be spies for the Overlord.  
I shall pair those who have conflicting viewpoints and personalities together, such as a By-The-Book sort with a Cowboy sort, or the guy whose only tactic is to charge at the enemy getting paired with the guy that thinks things through. This will force them to learn how to work together, to come up with results that get me victories, unlike pairing up like-minded sorts, who always fail.  
I shall never use the combination 1-2-3-4-5, for that is the kind of combination an idiot would use on their luggage! That reminds me - remember to change the combination on my luggage to 5-4-3-2-1 instead.  
Likewise, never use Swordfish as a password, although I don't know why anyone would even use it as a password in the first place, unless one fished for swords, or some such thing.  
If on Discworld, I shall visit Mrs. Cake in Ankh-Morpork, and pay her $10 to get my future read. The $0.10 version isn't worth it, but the $10 version will tell me all I need to know, and hopefully I won't end up in a dress, like poor Nobby.  
I shall be Genre Savvy with every Genre, just in case there's a Genre Shift, or if I end up Time Traveling, or Book Traveling, or some such thing.  
I shall be on good terms with Local Law Enforcement Officers. This will help to either make them my allies, or keep them out of my hair, as I confront the Big Bad.  
If I am a Law Enforcement Officer, and I encounter a Law Enforcement Officer from another jurisdiction, who is after the same person as me, I'll cut the whole friction issue, and suggest that we work together - we might be working the same case, or the less-serious crime might be the failsafe needed to lock the guy up while we investigate the more-serious offence. Also, having fresh eyes on our respective cases allows for new insight on our respective issues.  
I shall not knowingly mug a monster nor will I bully a dragon, either figuratively or literally. Those who do so end up in a world of hurt.  
If we need jockstraps or cups to protect our own nethers on the battlefield, I will have them all internally padded. (This also applies to our footwear.) Whomever tries to put a toe or knee between our legs will damage her own leg instead.  
When we unwind in a bar, I will make it a point to befriend the biggest guy in the place. He might be a Paper Tiger, but he can still be incredibly dangerous under the wrong circumstances.  
I shall give Conscientious Objectors a chance to show their real bravery, by assigning them to non-combat positions, such as first responders, firefighters, and engineers. Maybe they ain't much good at fighting, for whatever reason, but it does take courage to rescue the wounded, fight fires, and build stuff, all while under enemy fire.  
If it turns out that a group of Moral Guardians is in trouble by the Big Bad, because they were bothering said Big Bad, I will recommend to the Big Bad that they instead humiliate, but not kill, said Moral Guardians, especially if those same Moral Guardians have been bothering me. After that, me and the Big Bad will sit back and Pass the Popcorn.  
Unless (1) it opens inward, (2) shows signs of give, and (3) we have at least two associates guarding every single door or escape hatch of which there is a confirmation, I will advise against smashing in the door.  
If I am at some establishment with some buddies (old friends, henchmen, sidekicks, friendly enemy) and women, or men, start throwing themselves at me, but I'm already involved with someone, I shall politely say "No, but thank you." I will then point out my companions, and point out that the one is available, and is even better than I am, especially in a certain area.  
While I hope the situation never occurs, if I live on a world where the balance between Good and Evil must be maintained, and it turns out that Good has been Too Good at getting rid of Evil, and the world is at risk of being destroyed, I shall make the Ultimate Sacrifice, and become a Villain, in order to save the world.  
Before putting conflicting viewpoints or personalities on the field together, they will be subject to one-on-one discussions with either me or another core ally (or both at the same time). We will make a point of determining their common motivator and have them set up a quiet date based around that element. If nothing else, a huge internal clash may be averted.  
Wedgies are for schoolyard bullies, not for the Evil Overlord's Legions of Terror.  
If the Balance Between Good and Evil is necessary to the health of the world, me and my opposite, as well as our respective allies and minions, shall have an understanding that, in the event of a big battle, the Victor shall allow the Vanquished to retreat, so that they, as well as my own forces, can replenish their respective numbers.  
If the Balance Between Good and Evil is necessary to the health of the world, neither side should brainwash members of the other, at least on a permanent basis - a little bit of temporary mind control and memory alteration is one thing, but Free Will is the most important thing a person can have.  
If a group of villains have set out to unleash Evil into the world, in order to save it, I shall allow them to do so, and might even help them. I might not like it, but I'd rather deal with Evil being around, as opposed to the world being destroyed.  
I will almost never employ the Unspoken Plan Guarantee, to ensure that if I get killed or otherwise incapacitated, my allies will still be able to follow the plan even without me. If the Big Bad is capable of eavesdropping, I will make sure that at the very least, my trusted sidekick will have the knowledge necessary to figure it out themselves.  
While Romero-type zombies, and other similar undead that spread through bites, should be avoided at all costs, sentient free-thinking zombies, such as those of Discworld, can be safely employed by my forces, providing that I give them a needle and thread to sew themselves up with.  
If someone starts Pod D before Pod C is finished, catapult that person into the Evil Overlord's Lair! Let the Bad Guys Do the Dirty Work.  
Before we take on any battles in blizzard conditions, we will make sure we have at least one winter under our belt. The same applies to the rainy season.  
My allies will not not fall into Black and White Insanity - Just as the Villain is capable of doing Evil Deeds, and I am capable of doing Good Deeds, the reverse holds true for both of us - I can do Evil Deeds, and they can do Good Deeds.  
Even if we are not ourselves capable, we never know when we may need a grifter or a thief.  
If a minor associate of mine, who has been tasked with spying/following the band of Villains ends up actually joining them of their own free will, and not because of any wrongdoing that I've done to them in the past, I shall ask them why they did this. If they give a good reason, like the fate of the world being in danger, I might let them remain free. If the reason is a bad one, like being shorted a few cents in their last paycheck, I'll toss them in jail for the rest of their life.  
Just because someone I knew once respected/feared me in the past, that doesn't mean that I should let down my guard if they've joined the other side. They might have changed/learned something new since the last time we met.  
If living in a world where vampires and werewolves can spread through bites, and tend to turn on humans who were once their friends, I shall find a way so that vampires and werewolves who were once humans do not just turn on those who are their friends, family, and so forth. It gets depressing having to use my silver stakes on those who were once my allies.  
If I am of a race that can feed off of humans, or other sentient lifeforms, in one manner or another, I shall see to it if it is indeed possible to feed off of non-sentient lifeforms, like cattle and pigs.  
If I am of a race that needs to feed off of humans, or other sentient beings, in one manner or another, in order to survive, I shall feed off of criminals that are beyond redemption, or those dealing with terminal illnesses/medical issues that don't want to suffer in pain anymore.  
If I am of a race that can feed off of humans, or other sentient beings, in one manner or another, and there are those, who are also of my race and plan to turn humans into livestock, I shall point out why it is not practical to do so, namely the fact that it takes at least sixteen years for humans to properly mature, while other animals, like cattle and pig, mature within two years, and weigh much more than the average human.  
If my marriage is a political one, and while me and my spouse might be friendly and willing to do our duty to provide an heir and spare, and maybe a few more, in order to continue our respective lines, if we don't honestly love each other, it would be a good idea for each of us to have our own alternative lovers, especially if one or both of us are gay or bi.  
Make sure that my men know basic first aid in the event of an injury, at least for minor ones, like cuts and bruises, and perhaps broken bones. They don't need to know how to do brain surgery, but they can at least keep each other alive long enough for someone more skilled to arrive on the scene.  
Before I visit the site of my true love’s grave, I will make sure to arrange my own pre-approved (land!) transportation en route to and back from the cemetery. (Sea and air transportation are not worth considering.)  
Just because a weapon, or another item or piece of equipment is technically obsolete, this doesn't render them completely useless. For instance, a crossbow is not much use on the battlefield when compared to assault rifles, but it is a quiet weapon with projectiles that are fairly easy to reuse.  
Likewise, just because someone has come up with a more powerful version of something that's standard issue, this doesn't mean that all of my forces should switch over to it - it probably has kinks that need worked out long before we do that.  
If I am a vampire that needs blood, and freshness isn't a concern, nor species, make a deal with a blood bank for expired blood, or with a butcher for the blood that was drained from animals killed there.  
If I am a werewolf, or another creature that needs a lot of meat, make a deal with a butcher.  
If I am a bounty hunter, or a lawman, on the trail of an outlaw, which leads me to their hometown, where they are on good terms with the local law and/or have family there, I'll do everything it takes to bring them in peaceably.  
If I have captured an outlaw in a place where they have ties to the local law, and I have them send out a message to a higher leveled law enforcement officer informing them that the outlaw has been caught, I'll make prior arrangements where the one who is to get the messages send back the following "My sister Sarah sends their regards, and hopes to see you at the party." This is to tell me that the message is legit. If I don't get this, I'll know that the message wasn't really sent.  
I will take a bath, or a shower, or just plainly get cleaned up, if possible. It's one thing to have a rugged beard, and long hair, but when I'm covered in filth and mud and blood, it's hard to conduct a meeting with the others keeping their distance from the stench.  
If somehow, Sapient Eat Sapient applies to the world, I will make sure that there is certain protection for those classified as Prey, so that Predators don't accidentally wipe them out. Setting up Age Restriction to protect Underage Prey, setting a Number Limit, make sure that prey in important positions are safe, and that single parents who don't have a back-up guardian for the children are safe. Also, make sure that Predators pay some sort of compensation, such as helping to pay for any debts the Prey owed in life, which would be useful if the Prey owed a massive hospital bill.  
Once funds become available, we will use the Denver boot for our core land vehicles.  
Have multiple different outfits, and even different versions of each outfit. This way I can blend in with any crowd, from a group of wealthy billionaires on down to common day laborers.  
When hunting, try to use every part of the animal, from snout to tail, or whatever body parts they have.  
Always have multiple weapons. After all, I have multiple enemies.  
If I find myself in a Crapsack World, and in the employ of someone who'd normally be the Big Bad, but there's worse people than him, try to make sure he doesn't get everyone killed.  
In the event that I'm on the run with a loyal companion, and I'm dying of sickness or injury, and it's clear that I'm not going to make it, when I give him my things, make sure to give him some valuables that can be easily sold as well as my money, so that he can get what he needs to survive.  
If I am retired, the first thing I'll do is change my name. The second thing I'll do is hang up my guns. Of course, if I live in a world where going unarmed is unsafe, then I'll ditch the weapons I'm known for, and pick up something less conspicuous. For instance, if I'm known for duel-wielding a pair of ivory-handled revolvers, then swap out one of my revolvers for one with a handle of hickory wood instead, or just use two hickory-handled revolvers.  
If I am retired, I shall see about making friends with the local law, if possible. Depending upon my background, I might even reveal to them my real identity, especially if I've always been on the right side of the law, or have indeed served my time for my past misdeeds. Of course, if there's a price upon my head, I might tell the lawman that I keep on being mistaken for that person in the Wanted Posters. Depending upon the situation, they might let me stay, or just tell me to move on.  
If I am retired, and I'm seeing about avoiding getting into being on the wrong end of a challenge by some wanna-be, the first thing I'll do is pick up something, such as an apple, in my favorite hand. Then, with my off-hand, I'll carefully remove my weapon's belt, and then pick up another apple. After that, walk away from the challenger, and head towards the local law enforcement officer. Most with a brain will see that I'm setting up a trap, and will back down. Those that don't, well, they were threatening an unarmed man, who had just an apple in each hand. Either an apple or the law will get them.  
I am retired, and I hear about someone impersonating me, I shall investigate them, carefully.  
If my impostor is merely some guy who bought my old weapons because he thought that they were cool, I'll make the suggestion that he sell them back to the shop, or someplace else, so that folks don't mistake him for the real deal.  
If my impostor is seeking me out by pretending to be me, in an attempt to prove that he is better than me, I will merely say "I wish you luck."  
If my impostor merely wishes to be like me, I might show them a few tricks, like being able to hit the target accurately!  
If my impostor is competent, and is of good nature, I might let them keep my old identity. But, before they leave, I might drop them a hint that I'm the real deal, like the fact that the one with the crack in the handle is off to the left a little, to say nothing about that fancy twirl I'm known for.  
If my impostor is dishonoring my old identity, and is a violent criminal, I'll call him out for it, and state that he isn't the real deal. Odds are, they'll accept my challenge, at which point I'll tell them who I really am - either they'll run away, or I'll blast them away.  
If I'm a former criminal, who changed their name to avoid justice, and this guy is claiming to be me, being far worse than I was, I'll simply claim that I killed the guy he's pretending to be - which is true, in a manner of speaking. Who knows - might end up collecting the bounty that was on my head.  
If for some reason, my armor designers decide to make armor for the female fighters that emphasizes the fact that they are female, with a large chest and/or breasts, make sure that it is practical, and that there is adequate padding between the body and the armor itself. After all, there's plenty of armors that show off male anatomy, like the codpiece, which is probably less practical than a fancified breastplate!  
Make sure that there's at least a few women on the design team that's making armor for female fighters.  
If my fighters are the sort that could care less about armor, then make sure that they have a decent shield for protection.  
Outfits for my forces shall consist of the following - Glasses to protect the eyes from the sun as well as dust (vision correction as well if needed), Helmet to protect the head from accident and enemy attack, Protective mask to protect the face from injury (identity concealment, optional), Armor that protects from weapon attacks, animal attacks, the environment, and has ammunition pouches for easier reloading, Gloves to protect the hands from blisters during fighting and from sharp objects while scavenging for items, as well as sturdy boots that can protect the feet, both for marching and kicking down doors. Other equipment will depend on specialty, such as medical equipment and trap disposal, but all will know how to use the equipment.  
Make sure that my people have different types of food to eat, especially if I find myself as a Lord in a Stronghold game.  
Just because I am of a race that is Always Chaotic Evil, this doesn't mean that I cannot be a hero. One would be surprised at the number of Heroes that have risen from supposedly evil races.  
If I am the Ruler of a county, I shall have a Secret Identity that is actually an Open Secret, in the form of a non-commissioned officer, or equivalent, in the military. This will allow me to get to personally escort those suspicious individuals to deem if they are indeed a threat to my lands or not. Of course, since the most observant of these individuals will occasionally see Officers looking at a mere Sergeant, with a bit more respect than normally allotted to one, my cover shall include a special medal of bravery, or equivalent, which also grants one an Honorary Title of Honorary Prince, which will help if a regular soldier accidentally calls me, Your Highness. After all, there's plenty of such medals where a higher ranked officer has to salute an inferior if said inferior is a recipient of, such as the Medal of Honor.  
If I have an Open Secret Secret Identity while serving in the military, said identity will have a name similar to my own, or perhaps I'll just use the same name as my real identity, and I shall put myself through the same Basic Training every other soldier goes through. After all, since every one in my nation is going to know the truth anyways, might at least know enough about what I claim to be while in the alternative identity, at least enough to fool a member of a foreign nation at any rate.  
The cover story for my Open Secret Secret Identity, in regards to why I have that particular medal that allows my "Superior" Officer to respect me more than normally allowed, as well as grants me an Honorary Title, shall me fairly simple, and plausible - that I saved someone who was in danger of drowning in a fast-flowing river, risking my own life in the process, and that this person turned out to have been the leader of my country, for which I was rewarded with the medal.  
Alternatively, if I actually do something honestly worthy of the medal, that will be used instead.  
If I can make one Secret Identity, I can make several. That way when one of them is burned, I can have some fallbacks.  
Additionally, I can make alternative heroic identities to do deeds my Slave to PR main heroic identity can't do. (Of course it is easier if I am a Non-Powered Costumed Hero, have common stock superpowers like Super Strength instead of more unique ones like controlling insects, or wear no mask and resort to Clark Kenting. I will take these into account when designing my main and alternative heroic aliases and costumes.)  
If my opponent starts spraying gas at my face, I will not stand there in surprise. Instead, I will try to distance myself from the gas before I am rendered unconscious.  
If I am a magic-user, it would be a good idea to know about the current levels of Muggle technology, especially in an Urban Fantasy or Science Fantasy setting.  
Ear gauges (ring-sized accessories that create wide holes where earrings go), hoop earrings, or any type of danglers, are problems waiting to happen.  
If part of a Men in Black type of organization, whose job is to uphold the Masquerade, killing those who know too much should only be done as a very last resort, and only if there's other reasons that make killing them justifiable, such as threatening to blow up a school filled with innocent children unless the secret is revealed.  
If part of a Men in Black organization, using a form of bribery should be a go-to stance to keep the secret - such as finding a grant to that collage that the witness, or their children, wants to go to, funding their research and perhaps giving them assistance if a doctor or scientist doing research, giving them reports about our doings if they are an author, screenwriter or playwriter, using them as a local go-between if they are a police officer, or other such things that make the witness look good in the eyes of the public.  
If part of a Men in Black organization, there should be a plan for what happens if the Masquerade is revealed and the Reset Button ends up broken. For all we know, the muggles might merely shrug upon finding out that the guy they sit next to on the bus everyday is actually from Mars, and act like nothing special has occurred.  
If in a world that has both Sufficiently Advanced Technology and Sufficiently Advanced Magic, or at least a decent level of both, I shall have three research teams, one working on Technology, one working on Magic, one working on Both, and members of each team can help those on each of the others.  
Depending upon magical/technological levels, me and my forces will each have the equivalent of the Bag of Holding in order to carry food, medical supplies, as well as items of interest. We shall also carry Bottomless Ammo Pouches, Arrow Quivers, Knife Belts, and other such things, in order to make sure that we never run out of ammo.  
Of course, if up against Snake People, spikes strategically placed upon my outfit; knees, elbows, and a few other places, will reduce the odds of them wrapping me up.  
Make friends with someone from the Intimidating Revenue Service. Introducing them to the Big Bad as "A Very Good Friend Of Mine" tends to open doors quicker than whipping out the BFG and the BFS, along with the army. Note to self, make sure my taxes are paid up.  
If I would normally be the Villain, but due to the actions of a worse threat and Closest Thing We Got occurring where those who would normally be the Hero have been captured, or killed, by someone else, and it's up to me to save the day, I'm going to make one thing perfectly clear, I am the Evil Overlord of this area, and nobody's going to take it over, except me! I will also keep in mind those delightful Evil Overlord Vows and the Additional Vows. Might borrow some from the Hero Vows.  
If living in one of those Fantasy, Science Fiction, or Science Fantasy worlds that have multiple sapient races, or species, make sure that everyone has equal rights. Makes things much easier, for the most part.  
Know the biology of my race and that of the enemy. Very useful to know in terms of strengths and weaknesses. This also goes for environmental weaknesses in addition to the usual things.  
If in a Medieval-themed Fantasy, and I need to armor a lot of lower-class troops, I will look into that form of armor known as the Gambeson. Made from linen, it is crafted in layers, and is effective enough to protect against arrows, and reduce the amount of injuries from other weapons, and is just as good, if not better, than leather armor, not to mention cheaper and easier to produce. Plus, it would get me the patronage of Youtuber Shadiversity, who will at least say that I am awesome for picking this type of armor, as it is much more realistic. Besides, it also functions similar to a winter coat, which is useful in Europe-styled settings.  
In a Fantasy setting, I shall see to it that all possibilities are explored, especially where weapons and armor are concerned. For all I know, despite the usual stereotypes, my mages and archers might actually benefit from wearing plate armor. Of course, if metal armor isn't good for say a mage's ability to use magic effectively, or reduces the sneaking capabilities of my thieves, then I shall make use of the Gambeson, which is made from thick cloth, which should allow my mage to use magic, and for my thief to be sneaky.  
In the event that centaurs exist, in one way or another, one thing I shall try to convince them to do is allow a rider on their back, especially in combat. Since they'll probably refuse, at least initially, I shall set up an experiment, where one centaur warrior trains with a human rider fighter for a month or so, learning how to utilize the various weapons centaurs and mounted fighters tend to use, and then have them engage in mock combat against another centaur and a rider on their usual mount. Should the centaur with a rider best the other two, or at least hold their own well enough that it was a struggle for the other two to beat them, it will be used as proof to allow for the possibility of getting centaurs to allow riders on their backs.  
If I am the leader of a group of eight, or more, people, who are traveling, and a handful of bandits, beasts, or other hostiles, attack, I won't match them man-for-man - I'll have everyone read to take part in the fight. Odds are, the other side will decide to leave my group alone. Failing that, I have more people on my side than they do. Some might even be able to switch places with those who are tired, or double-team, or even triple-team, the enemy.  
If I have access to a castle, or some other building/place that can provide my forces with a defensive advantage, I will station as many of my fighters inside of it as I can. There is no reason to place my forces in front of it, as that just throws away any advantage. This is especially true in the event that I'm outnumbered.  
Remember one thing about being a defender in a siege - if my base is properly set up, I can simply wait for rescue, as my friends and allies should receive word of my need, especially if messages have been sent out.  
In the event that I am wealthy, as is another family or group, if they decide to go into an area of business that's beyond my understanding, I shall not enter into a pointless competition with them by entering into the same business. This also applies to things like vehicles, home decorations, weaponry, and other such things.  
Make sure that the armor that my forces use is appropriate to the situation. Depending on the forces I'm fighting against, or with, changes might need to be made.  
Neither combination locks nor numeric keypads will be used for any door at our base. You would be surprised to learn how many such devices have all-7 combinations.  
It is safer to assume that a minority group will understand, if not necessarily speak, the language of the majority, than to assume that they do not understand. It might keep one from accidentally, or intentionally, offending the wrong sort of people, especially if they can also use the language of the majority.  
Even if I have superpowers, there's nothing wrong with having some normal, unpowered, bodyguards. After all, they can handle average threats, like obsessed/crazy fans, would-be thieves, and those guys that just want to pick a fight with me, without me doing potentially unneeded injury to regular people. Of course, if the threat is serious, as in a supervillain with powers is challenging me, I want them to help out with crowd control, and get everyone else away from the area.  
When I have three separate forces in battle, I will begin by putting my weakest group up against the Overlord's strongest and my strongest against his Weakest. My intermediates will be put up against their intermediates. As the Overlord's weakest are decimated, my strongest can join my intermediates, and they can then come in to assist my weakest against the last remaining opposition.  
Remember to use a weapon that's practical to the given situation. If I can use a crossbow to snipe an enemy at a distance, instead of trying to charge at them from over three hundred feet away with just a knife, do it.  
I shall not hold the crimes of a people's ancestors against them. After all, it wasn't like they were involved in their ancestors' crimes, for the most part.  
When it comes to food information, make sure to list nutrition content for eating/drinking the entire package. Granted, it might not stop people from eating 800+ calories worth of snacks, but at least they'd be aware of the amount.  
No matter how awesome or sexy an outfit looks, should my troops be unable to complete the safe and basic obstacle course in it, to say nothing about the more advanced, and riskier, obstacle course, I shall not make my troops wear said outfit.  
If I own a store that has a butcher section, or sells meat in bulk, and I have a customer, or customers, who buy a lot of meat, or packets of blood for "homemade blood sausage", and the world becomes unmasked, revealing them to be things like werewolves, vampires, and various other monsters known for eating a lot of meat, or blood, I will not freak out and try to kick them from the store - not that it would work too well anyways, unless they were very cooperative at leaving. Instead, I'll just give them a nice discount, which will encourage them to keep shopping at my store, and keep would-be thieves away, which isn't too different from why doughnut shops like to give out free doughnuts to cops, especially if the other stores lock their doors to such people.  
Should The Masquerade suddenly drop, and I find out that one or more of my customers at my store aren't human, I'll simply treat them as if nothing unusual had occurred, and hopefully everyone else gets the message. Last thing I need in my store is a riot at finding out that the guy picking up several hundred pounds of beef and pork, and other meats, is a werewolf.  
Horseback riding is not too good for me or my allies.  
In the event that wearing a Badass Cape is the height of fashion, but I wish to prevent that age-old Cape Snag, simply wear one that can be easily removed, in order to prevent such things. Who knows - my enemy, who might be counting on this, might be the one to come undone.  
Given that those Adventuring Villains tend to do those Dungeon Runs, I will only have a few rooms in my dungeon, but each room is big enough to hold 100+ people, and I'll have as many guards as possible in each of them. A Villains Party of 5-10 is going to be seriously messed up if they somehow make it through all 500+ worth of my various fighters, mages, rangers, mage-fighters, mage-rangers, fighter-mages, fighter-rangers, ranger-fighters, ranger-mages, and those guys that can utilize melee, magic, and ranged abilities.  
If I am one of The Magnificent Seven Samurai, make sure to know where the other six are first before agreeing to the job.  
Do not mess with The Union. Doing so will put me on the wrong end of The Mafia.  
Unless there's a very good reason to do so, don't even bother having The Masquerade. That being said, if there's a very good reason to do so, uphold it.  
If there are females in my group, I will advise them to not to attempt to seduce the Big Bad Guy. Granted, in a best case scenario, he might change sides, but in very bad cases, she might get killed by him, or end up joining him.  
Just because I'm a handsome male, don't try charming the woman working for the Big Bad - while she might change sides, her seeming to do so might just be part of a plan to kill me.  
In the event that I have an offspring who turns out to be disabled, homosexual, or without any powers, I will still care for them. I will be the best parent I can possibly be.  
If I am going undercover I will wear a disguise that is practical, so that if I am unmasked my disguise will not slow me down during my escape.  
If my disguise absolutely must be impractical (for example, wearing a dress to the Evil Overlord's party) I will instead make sure that it is as easily removable as possible and also wear a set of normal clothes under it.  
It would be a very good idea that, if I'm in one of those Deconstruction stories, to recognize if I'm the Hero rather than the Villain I thought that I was. Things go much smoother that way, at least for myself.  
Under no unforeseeable circumstances will I attempt to "shut the door to catch the thief." Too much can go wrong, especially early in the game.  
Be very careful in a Fantasy Kitchen Sink type of world. There might be Talking Animal types, Animals Not to Scale types, Funny Animal types, supposedly extinct animal types, various aliens, fantasy races, mythological creatures and deities, to say nothing about powered-up humans, and normal humans who just go along with all of the really crazy things - keep an eye on that last group.  
In the event that I can summon minions and the undead, I shall treat them well, especially if they happen to be sapient, or can gain it. After all, if I should be in a state where I can't control them, I don't want them to turn on me right away.  
Instead of spending available funds on purely cosmetic pieces of architecture for our base, I will apply the extra budget to whatever combat expenditures most need it.  
Of course, there's nothing wrong with adding some decorations to my military's weapons, although I'll let the individuals do that during their off time. Nothing improves a fighter's moral better than being able to paint rainbow-colored skulls and crossbones on their standard-issue M 4 A 1 - actually, that might be a scary thing to find out that someone actually did that, especially if one is on the wrong end of it!  
In a world of Grey-and-Gray Morality, the lines between Hero and Villain tend to blur. Keep that in mind, especially in a Crapsack World.  
If I am a Detective, or some such person, and I get stuck on a cruise who has "Solve Mysteries" as a shtick, I'll ask them for the script, so that I don't ruin the fun of the other guests. That way, when stuff really hits the fan, I'll know that it isn't an act.  
If I am of a race with an issue to bright lights, wear sunglasses.  
Unless I'm in the middle of a LONG bridge, I will not attempt to outrun a train or any other vehicle - I'll simply step off the tracks or road.  
There is nothing wrong with repeating past Vows, as sometimes repetition is needed to get the idea to sink in.  
Regardless of if it has been stated before or not, I shall see to it that my magic users, at the very least, know how to protect themselves in the event that they are unable to utilize magic, for any reason. Whether this means learning how to use a mundane weapon, or their hands, or some random object that's nearby, to inflict damage upon the enemy, any and all can be used.  
If I end up in a close-range fight with the Evil Overlord, have him at my mercy and am in a position to knock him cold, I'll just keep punching him until his consciousness takes a coffee break. If he tries to distract me and I fall for it, I'll just end up shot in whatever's convenient for him.  
I will make sure that the bathroom stalls at the base are wide enough for ANYONE to use them. Seriously, the only thing worse than having a bad case of diarrhea in a stall WITHOUT toilet paper, is to ALSO be in one that is WAY too small!  
If I'm into those role-playing games, treat the NPCs as if they might be real people - sometimes you never know.  
No matter their geographical location or equipment (including the Far East), I will treat any farm worker I encounter with the utmost respect. They can handle all kinds of resources, especially stuff that seems insignificant at first sight. (That goes double for nunchaku.)  
If I am in a world in which Talking and/or Funny Animals are a thing I will become a vegan or vegitarian. Hamburgers may be good but not attracting the ire of a race of sentient bovine is better.  
If one of my most trusted friend and ally, one that has proven to be a genuinely good company to my team, turns out to be The Mole, then after our inevitable confrontation - of which I will make sure to keep them alive - instead of berate about how their betrayal has hurt us, I will listen to what they have to say. It is very likely that there is a very good - and probably unfortunate - reason as of how they ended up like this. Thus, I will try to have a long and fair conversation with them before making any further decisions about them.  
If, during our confrontation with this said mole, it's the Big Bad - not the mole themselves - who is actively gloating about foolish we were to trust the mole, or even treating the mole as disposable, then these are very good reason for me to assume that the mole is being forced to work with the big bad for one reason or another. Therefore, it is even more important for me to keep the mole alive during this confrontation and have the conversation later.  
If I am the wizard, or another spell slinger, I'll make sure that I have a staff, one that, not only, functions as a focus for my spells, but is also strong enough to deliver a good whack if I run out of the ability to safely use spells. After all, the one thing that embarrasses the Bad Guy more than being being beaten by the hero, is to be beaten by a wizard hitting them with their staff.  
If I find out that only one guy on my team can injure the Big Bad, and all they can do is scratch damage, by all means, me and everyone else shall distract the enemy, restrain them, blind them, insult them, all so that our teammate can inflict what damage he can, until the enemy bleeds to death or whatever.  
My team will use a buddy system whenever they must go off on individual missions. If there is an odd number of people on my team one person will be assigned to mission control.  
If my team consists of six or more people, nobody will be allowed to go out on missions with less than three companions.  
Make sure that my troops are trained to use any weapon, even if it isn't one that they specialize in. No one expects that weak scout/spy fella to use a rocket launcher to blow them away. Failing that, there's always chairs.  
Make sure that my magic users and the like can cast spells while wearing armor. After all, most foes expect the guy wearing plate armor to use a sword, not a Fireball!  
In the event that I'm in a Fantasy or Sci-Fi setting, and I get a recruit that just seems odd, like a Centaur Rogue, I'll keep Square Race, Round Class in mind. I'll also test them to see if they can at least pass the basic requirements. For all I know, that centaur's idea of Stealth is to steal the guards' horses first before getting the item they are after - hard to get caught if they can't chase you.  
Another reason to keep in mind Square Race, Round Class when it comes to recruiting folks who initially look like they don't fit the job - equal opportunity employment.


End file.
